Tuesday, October 5, 2010

On a So Much More Serious Note

I will be tying this post into books, just to keep myself sane, but first and foremost this post is about suicide.

One of my very good friends tried to commit suicide on Monday night. This is not a new subject for me. Personally it's something I've been dealing with for far too many years. But along the way I have learned coping mechanisms. I have learned how to deal better with my depression and loneliness. My friend has yet to learn these. To him, this is still the only choice.

There may be readers who have felt as he has and there may be some who have never thought to take their own life. I hate to say it, but these are two types of thinking that are very hard to reconcile. Even for those of us who have attempted this act, it's different for each of us I think. The experience, the reasons, and the act, are all of their own.

An attempt at suicide can be made for many reasons. Attention, release, death...but few see it this way. Most see it as a selfish act, which it is, that the individual commits with out any thought of anyone but themselves. What most people understand is that while this is true, it is also untrue. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but there are many who are thinking of their loved ones in that moment, just not the way that we think they should be. Suicide is not cut and dry.

I am going to share with you my feelings as someone who has gotten the call that no one wants to get. Luckily my friend is alive, but he will have so many more hurdles to get through now that he's done what he's done. It's hard to understand that, and my poem is to help him. I also want others to understand what their friends or loved ones go through when they attempt to take their lives. I know it may be hard, but understanding is much more effective than anger.

The tree does not know what it’s like to forget the sun.

The birds can only imagine the loss of the clear blue sky.

I know my friend what it is to feel like there is no other choice.

I know that deep abyss that makes you yearn to take your life.

Dear friend, dear soul once the act is complete,

There are hearts a plenty that will show and hear you weep.

That loneliness and anger that tore you apart

It will grow and it will fester when you realize they have no hearts.

Your feelings and your mind, they are not important to them.

The badger and the hen, they want to know the reasons and why you could be so cruel.

They do not know that you committed this act for you.

They can not understand the pain that caused you dear,

To take up a knife and render your veins a bloody mess.

But I will know, and I will hear your fears and your tears and you reasons why.

I will not judge, I will not cry

In rage

At your selfishness and your conceit

I will hold you in my mind and in my soul

I would commiserate if this were not a single path that you are to tow.

For now I will write about our experiences and our pasts.

I will listen to your words that you are not yet able to speak.

And the tree, the birds, badger and hen, they will be there to make sure that it takes as long as possible for you to get better again.

Just remember that I am here and I am able to help you make it past

The rocks and the brambles that the act has put in your path.

Here are some books that may help others understand suicide. All of the books are recommended on the website SAVE (I will let you know I have read none of these books and have no personal opinion on them)

1 comment:

  1. I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend -- I am thinking about you and him and sending good thoughts and hugs yours (and his) way.


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